When someone hurts you it can seem impossible to forgive them. Even more so if they have never taken the time to say sorry. In this post, I will give you some very valuable tips on how to show forgiveness to those who have hurt you in the past.
What Is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is when you let go of hurt and wrongs and don’t bring them back up. It is not enough to just say you forgive someone. Whenever you are having problems or not seeing eye-to-eye you throw the past mistakes or issues up in their face.
That is not true forgiveness.
To forgive is to forget as in you don’t bring it back up. You truly let go.
It will be hard to actually forget the wrong and you may never really forget but you can move on and not think about it so it can be like it never happened.
Why Show Forgiveness?
You should be quick to show forgiveness because we all need forgiveness at one time or another.
If you want to be forgiven you have to forgive others. Simple as that.
Now that we have that out of the way, how do you actually go about forgiving someone who has hurt you.
There are so many ways to show forgiveness to others. We’ll talk about a few of those ways today.
Close the Chapter
Life can be like a book and the different people in our lives help to make up each chapter of that book.
When someone hurts you, you should forgive and move on. How do you do that? Close the chapter.
Stop allowing the pain and hurt of that persons’ actions to grip and paralyze you.
You must break free from it all. Holding grudges and being filled with resentment is not good for you.
At the end of the day, the only person that gets hurt when you hold onto grudges and resentment, is YOU. Remember that.
The other person is not really hurting because you are mad at them. Even if they are truly remorseful, you are still the only one truly being hurt in this situation.
Let go and move on with your life. Now, that is how to show forgiveness.
I say this to say that you do not have to keep having dealings with someone who has hurt you. You can forgive and still move on if you need to.
It depends on the level of hurt you have experienced and what your definition of forgiveness is. To some people, by forgiving you choose to keep that person around. While to others, you let go of the situation but you also let go of the person.
You don’t need someone in your life who takes you for granted and doesn’t appreciate you. It is true when they say that some people come into our life for a reason and some people for only a season.
People will come in and out of your life but you have the power to say who stays and who goes. Choose wisely.
Don’t Play the Blame Game
What’s done is done. Bringing matters back up just to place blame does no one any good.
Finger pointing isn’t going to make matters better.
It can be very tempting to keep finding fault in the person that hurt you when there may not even be a cause for it.
People do change and I believe that a person can make a 360 turn after hurting someone they care about.
Own up to the part you may have played in the situation. I’m not saying play the blame game with yourself. As I brought out earlier, what we are not going to do is play that game.
However, there may have been some slip-ups on your part. Or there could be some things that you did that contributed to the situation. Own it and be through with it. Tell yourself, “Okay, I did this which contributed to ABCD but I forgive myself. Now I can move on,”
If you don’t you’ll just start blaming yourself and maybe even hating yourself and that’s not healthy.
So many times when we are hurt by others, we start to blame ourselves. We think, “What could I have done to make things better?” When in reality, there was nothing you could do or maybe there was something but you just didn’t know.
Which brings me to my next point.
Tune Out Negativity
To truly show forgiveness to someone who has hurt you, you have to tune out the negativity.
That negativity could come from you, or someone else.
Nine times out of ten, there is someone in your ear telling you to hold a grudge and to never let the problem die.
They may tell you that you are the victim and you have every right to be upset. That is true.
When you are wronged by someone you do have a valid reason for being upset, angry, or even furious with that person. But like I said earlier, no one is hurt by your anger but you.
I know when I get mad and hold on to things, I suffer big time. I am a chronic migraine sufferer and my migraines can be triggered by anger. So you see, when I get upset, I’m the only one that gets hurt.
Get those negativity people out of your ear and out of your circle. There is too much going on in the world to be negative all the time. Now is a time for nothing but positivity.
So if someone hurt you, show forgiveness as much as possible. You would want forgiveness if the shoe were on the other foot.
Don’t Talk Bad
Another way to show forgiveness to someone is to not badmouth them.
This happens all too often when someone gets hurt. They talk down about the other person and place them in a bad light.
I know what you’re probably thinking, “It’s not about them, it’s about me. I was the one who got hurt,”
But just think for a moment of some of the mistakes that you have made in the past. Maybe you insulted someone on accident or on purpose or hurt someone’s feelings with something you did.
How would you feel if that person whom you hurt, went and told everybody and called you a bad person?
It wouldn’t make you feel too good, right?
Well, try to understand that everyone makes mistakes and that doesn’t make you a bad person. So you wouldn’t want to ruin anyone’s reputation because they made a mistake.
This may seem completely irrelevant but I promise you it is not.
A smile is powerful. It has the power to light up someone’s world.
By just giving someone who has hurt you a smile, you are showing a sign of forgiveness.
Smiles can have different meanings but a friendly smile can ease fears and worries. A smile can allow a person to feel that you are not holding a grudge.
And even if you haven’t got anything to say to this person, you can just smile and let that be enough.
If that isn’t enough for them, then so be it.
Give a Hug
A lot of times, the people who cross us will be those closest to us. That is a sad fact.
But because you may be close to this person, you don’t want to just throw away the relationship or friendship you two have.
They cross you and you choose to forgive them. You should seal it with a hug.
Hugs are so warm and make you feel all good inside.
You can’t doubt that a person has truly forgiven you when they reach out and hug you.
Like a smile or even more than a smile, an embrace can speak volumes.
One amazing way to show forgiveness to others or to show that person that they are forgiven is by sharing a hug.
This creates a balance between the two of you and proves that any hard feelings are gone.
Can you hug someone and still hold a grudge? It’s possible but not likely.
I’m not going to say it can’t be done but I don’t know anyone who has hugged someone and turned around and said, “I’m still mad at you” and actually meant it.
I’ve never hugged a person and still felt angry. Hugs are very good!
Remember That We’re Human
I’m sure you are well aware that we are human beings. But I feel like a lot of times we expect too much from other humans.
Love, loyalty, respect are just some of the things that we as humans want and even need.
But there are also things that we want that just aren’t that important. To be right all the time, to be the first to do something. Things like that just do not matter.
You have to remember that as humans, we are imperfect, every single one of us. So who are we to be demanding of too much from our human counterparts. When you think about just how imperfect you are, you may be more understanding and lenient when it comes to showing forgiveness.
I’m not saying, be vulnerable or gullible and allow people to trample all over you. No, I’m not saying that at all. But what I am saying is that you should do your best to look at things from the standpoint of us all being imperfect and having our flaws.
We all have done things that have hurt others, whether intentionally or unintentionally. It has happened.
At the end of the day, we needed forgiveness and probably even felt we deserved it or not. Either way, you should keep at the front of your thoughts that we are mere humans who have so many imperfections.
Let It Out
If you need to cry, kick, scream, or whatever it is that you do…do it. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t cry because you need to be strong.
Strong people cry and break down too. There is no shame in it.
Do whatever you have to do to feel better. After you have been hurt, you deserve to do what it takes to feel whole again.
You’ve probably been hurt in a large way. Emotionally and mentally. That is certainly going to lead to some sort of reaction.
How you choose to react to your pain is up to you. No one can decide this for you so don’t let anyone attempt to make this decision for you.
Do what you have to do but at the end of the day, make sure you forgive.
Don’t Go To Bed Angry
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that you should never go to bed angry. This isn’t just for couples.
If someone has crossed you, you should speak with them right away and talk things out. Do not go to bed angry because you’ll just get angrier.
The more you sit around and think about what the next person has done to offend you but you don’t try to call them and talk it out, the angrier you’re going to get.
That is when all sorts of things will start running through your mind and you will feel like that person doesn’t care about you and a lot of other things that just don’t add up.
Your mind can really mess with you when you are angry and you’ll be telling yourself all sorts of things that aren’t true.
So before you lay your head on that pillow, call up or invite over the person you are having problems with and talk it out and work it out.
Things usually aren’t as bad as they seem or as bad as you’ve told yourself they are. It could just be a big misunderstanding and you’re stressing over nothing. Or there could be something that needs to be worked out or handled.
Either way, give yourself a piece of mind by working things out as soon as possible so that you don’t go to bed angry.
When someone hurts you, it can be hard to forgive. But if you keep in mind these tips that I just shared with you, you will be able to forgive others. Know that not everything is going to be perfect and that you are going to go through things.
But keep your head up, stay positive, and always find a way to forgive because one day you’re going to need someone else’s forgiveness.